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94 Contemporary World Politics EVERYONE IS PLAYING CRUDE! “The list of petroleum based products in our lives is endless. Toothbrush, pacemaker, paints, inks, ....Oil provides the energy for 95 per cent of the world’s transportation needs. The whole industrialised world survives on petroleum. We cannot imagine living without it. There are billions of barrels of it under the earth for us to use. Yet there are disputes between countries. Why here is one of the problems” I belong to the Royal Family of the Kingdom of Black Gold. I am what they call filthy rich. Ever since black gold was found in my Kingdom things have never been the same again. Mr. Bigoil and his government came prospecting one day. We struck oil...and a deal. They armed me to the teeth till it hurt. So when I grin my subjects look at me with awe. In return Bigoil and sons get to buy all my oil and loyalty. I am happy and rich and so are they. I turn my blind eye to their military in this holy land. I value precious things. Bigoil says his President values freedom and democracy. So I keep both safely under lock and key in my land. Sheikh Petrodollah King of the land of Black Gold As advised, I did ask myself what can I do for my country. My country has an enormous appetite for oil. So ...provide it with oil of course! I believe in the free market system. Free to dig up oil in far away countries, free to create pliable tin-pot dictators to keep local populations at bay and free to destroy ecology. We play no politics but pay them at election campaigns and get them to invest in our company. That way we don’t have to embarrass ourselves by Mr. Bigoil foolishly waving and smiling at TV cameras. CEOofBigoilandsons Leading the good life A new beauty is parked outside our garage. Awesome! Isn’t it?... sleek chrome finish, power steering, automatic gears. Excellent pick up and great mileage too. It is low on emissions too...gentle on the atmosphere, you know. Global warming and all that stuff. Now we really are in hurry to zoom off and lead the good life...God Save Everyone!...vvrrroooommmmm Mr & Mrs Gobbledoo Toppleton defends freedom and democracy. That’s why he is so generous with guns and missiles. Like the ones he gave us to fight the invading Ruffians. He even trained us. We did not realise that it was the oil they were after. Bigoil is always trying to woo us. But we are too busy playing war games. Now we have rules of our own. Toppleton’s govt. kept changing its rules. Not fair we said. Some of us now hate Toppleton, his government and his people. Of course their bullets and missiles come in handy when we have to beat them at their game. Make no mistake, we are Errorists. Errorists Loosecannonballs Adapted from http://www.gobartimes.org/gt_covfeature2.htm Reprint 2026-27